It has been a while since I last blogged on this site, although in my defence, I have thought about blogging here at least 20 times in the last two months

I am currently in the United States and for the last few days, I have watched a fair bit of TV here and seen enough political news and reports to last me a lifetime.  I can’t believe how much bias there is on some networks here.  It’s astounding.

I was last in the US in early 2009 when the inauguration of President Obama took place.  I recall a very different political landscape from that time and actually a different mood amongst the general population.

Back then, the US was struggling with an economic downturn (nothing has changed two years later) but there was a real sense of hope that the new president would help the country to rise above the doldrums.  Fair dinkum, I even saw cardboard cutouts of Obama in people’s front windows.

Most of that hope seems gone now.  The president is unpopular and is blamed for everything from national debt to the traffic jams in Los Angeles.  He eventually got Bin Laden (a pretty difficult ‘get’) but the initial celebration has turned into criticism about why it took him so long.  Um…people….Bush didn’t come close to getting him and he had 7 years.  Obama has done it in 2.

As I read news reports from Australia this week, I’ve been reflecting on the state of our political landscape down under.

As a country, the hope that came with the election of a new government in 2007 has been replaced with disappointment and disillusionment.  Whilst as a country, we are in pretty good shape economically, we seem to have lost our way on other issues.

Some of the decisions being made by the government don’t make sense to the average person.  We keep hearing about the ‘tough decisions’ that need to be made in the country’s interest, but tough decisions are only accepted when there is trust.  That trust isn’t there.  I read that the current government is the most unpopular in 39 years of polling.

Is governing a country easy?  Hell no.  But sometimes the most effective ‘tough decision’ that needs to be made is to look yourself in the mirror and realise that what you’ve been doing isn’t working and that a fresh approach is required.

Hunch.com has released a great infographic on the traits of your typical Mac user compared to a PC user.

I consider myself a Mac user, but I don’t relate to that much in the Mac column.   Now this is a harmless graphic that can’t do much harm, and I can’t say it bothers me to feel like a black sheep in this case

But this got me thinking about generalisations broadly.  Most of us make generalisations frequently, perhaps without realising it.  Even subconsciously, we see a person that has a certain ‘look’ and we make judgements on who they are.  If you have a punk hairstyle, you’re a punk.  If you’re aboriginal, you having a drinking problem.  If you are blonde, you’re a bit ditzy.

The problem in generalising is that we can lose sight of the individual qualities of a person.  It’s like dressing a person in blue because that’s what everyone else is wearing, when they are actually a ‘yellow person’.

None of us like to be stereotyped, yet we do it to other people.  Perhaps a good hard look in the mirror would be more helpful than judging another person.

There is one generalisation which I think is valid – realising that we’re all human beings and we all deserve the same right to happiness and to be respected for who we are.

I’m a bit late catching up with this story, but I’m writing about the comments made by the NSW Families Minister Pru Goward, about some footage that appeared on TV and the web showing a radio personality Jackie O giving her baby a bottle while crossing the street.

Princess Pru thought it worthy of making a comment about the footage suggesting it was ‘cavalier’ and comparing it to Michael Jackson hanging his son from a window.

If those stupid comments weren’t enough, then a columnist from the Daily Telegraph questioned Jackie O’s decision to return to work so soon after giving birth.  She had two months off work and returned to work in a flexible arrangement where her daughter was with her (a fortunate, and healthy arrangement if you ask me).

In response to the pressure, Jackie O broke down on her show.

It pisses me off, these holier-than-thou frauds making judgements like this, which do nothing but cause harm.

The pressure on parents, especially mothers, is huge, and support is what we need to provide, not judgement.

Was the situation when crossing the road ideal?  In Jackie O’s own opinion it wasn’t, but exactly what aspect of raising kids IS ideal?  For christ’s sake, there are thousands of kids being abused and neglected every day and you want to pick on someone feeding a baby?

The parenting life is NEVER ideal, you have to do the best with what you have at a given point.   Kids aren’t patient, they do not wait for you to fit them in to your schedule.

I think this advice from the Federal Minister for Women Kate Ellis is worth taking onboard Princess Pru:

“Perhaps it would be better if people like Pru Goward spent less time judging other women and the choices they’ve made, and more time working for supportive and flexible arrangements which assist parents,”

For about the last two years I have been overweight.  Not by a huge margin, but at my peak two months ago, I reached 11 kilos over the ‘ideal’ weight for my height.

This situation arose because of four typical factors:

• Too much of the wrong foods (e.g. high in fat and sugar)
• Not enough of the good foods (e.g. fruit and vegetables)
• Too much food in general (i.e. portion sizes were too big)
• Not enough exercise

The consequences of being overweight are not surprising.  Clothes that don’t fit, general sluggishness, increased incidence of back pain etc etc.  Whenever I have tried to exercise over the last two years, I’ve felt bloody awful as a result.  Perhaps I’ve gone too hard too soon, but I’ve felt bad enough each time to stop soon after starting.  I actually collapsed during a relatively easy fitness assessment at a gym, such was my level of unfitness.

For a person that used to exercise a lot and routinely walk or ride 30 minutes at a fast pace without breaking a sweat, it’s been a bit hard to accept.

I hear so many people say that they need to ‘go on a diet’ and that they need to start ‘watching their weight’.  The fact is that we are always ‘on a diet’, it’s just that our diets don’t necessarily support a healthy body!   We should always be ‘watching our weights’ because a healthy weight will directly affect your overall health.

After several attempts at trying to get my weight down, in the last three weeks I have started seeing results.  From my peak, I have now lost 6 kilos and have 4 more kilos to go until I reach my goal.  I’m feeling significantly lighter.

So, what have I been doing?  The most significant change has been on the mental side of things.  Working to get my mind in the right place to deal with the problem.  Yes, weight is a physical thing, but in my experience, it’s been mental discipline that determines whether it becomes a problem.  You must work on your mind in order to change your body.

On the physical side, the major change has been to my portion sizes.  I’ve simply stopped eating as much.  My calorie intake per day is lower than my burn rate.  It’s simple maths.

I generally have one meal per day now and it’s not a big one.  Yes, I am hungry most of the time and my body has not enjoyed feeling this way, but my body is not going to fall apart as a result.   I’ve gotten used to the feeling and it doesn’t phase me that much anymore.  My current intake is not sustainable, but the general principle remains valid.

The next steps are to eat a broader range of healthier foods and to increase my level of exercise in line with increased food intake to maintain a healthy weight.

Yesterday, I came across a blog post on the subject of bullying.  In it, the author referred to a video posted online of a bully hitting his victim several times before the victim decides he’s had enough and takes revenge on the bully.

I won’t post it here, but it’s not exactly hard to find in the usual locations.  It’s distressing footage, from all angles.

You might say the bully is getting what is ‘due’ to him.  And you might be right, in a way.  But this is just a moment in a situation that had likely gone on for a long time.  There’s a guy that finally had enough and ‘snapped’.  To get to that point probably involved a tremendous amount of suffering.

Bullying is a topic that is difficult for me to talk about.  See, I was bullied for 10 years of school.  Started in grade 2, finished in grade 12.  Physically roughed up, and emotionally denigrated, by a range of the bastards over a long period.

I carry the physical scars to this day (e.g. compression fracture in one of my vertebrae), but it’s the emotional scars that hurt the most.  They feel as raw as ever.  The physical side of things finished 20 years ago, but I live with the emotional side every day.  Such is the ‘damage’, that any situation that seems remotely threatening becomes a panic for me.  It’s like a movie is on constant ‘cue’ ready to be played back at a moment’s notice.

So what would I do if one of my kids were being bullied?  And it might sound strange that I’m not advocating ‘eye for an eye’ punishment considering my own experience.  It’s important to remember that bullying isn’t necessarily (or just) physical.

Plan A

On reflection, I’d suggest martial arts training to kids for a lot of reasons, especially those ‘at risk’ of being physically intimidated.  You’re an easier target for bullies if your seen to be lacking in physical confidence.  Being able to defend yourself helps with your confidence, and could potentially stop a physical bullying campaign from ever starting.  The most effective application of martial arts skills is knowing you have them, without actually using them.

But even with some martial arts skills, I’d suggest that kids be given the opportunity to sort it out through non-violent means first.  I think this is the best policy with most conflicts in life, as a first choice.  Remember, the bullying may not be physical anyway.

The ‘try and sort it out yourself’ approach should be pursued until there is no hope of making progress.

If ‘Plan A’ doesn’t work, then go to…

Plan B

As a parent, you need to be prepared to intervene where it’s necessary for your child’s wellbeing.

I guess the problem is knowing that you have to intervene.  I mean, a lot of bullying is kept secret, especially by the victim.  As a parent, it’s important to create a relationship with your kids where they feel comfortable to tell you about things which are causing them harm.

When they tell you, you need to act.  Some kids feel embarrassed by having Mum or Dad cover for them, but remember we all have someone covering for us – the police and the army provides protection to us all when we need it and we don’t feel embarrassed about that do we?

The primary role of your intervention is to let your child know that they have your support.  The actual intervention can take many different forms, and yes it may need to be rather extreme (but not necessarily violent).

In a twist on the usual story, I read today about a father who has taken his kids (the bullies) to the police station and had them charged with assault.  Now that’s intervention.

Plan C

I rarely advocate violence as a solution, but you know, sometimes it may be required to protect yourself or those you love from further harm.

If a non-violent intervention in Plan B doesn’t work or the situation otherwise requires immediate physical action, then it’s time to deal with the bully with an appropriate physical response.

This may mean that you, as a parent, need to provide that physical response.

It’s the last resort, but it’s a resort.

The Dalai Lama recently announced his decision to retire as the political head of Tibet.

Interestingly (at the time of writing), his decision looks like being rejected by the Tibetan parliament.

Let’s assume it does eventually go through…

Some people have taken his announcement as meaning that he’s decided to stop being the Dalai Lama.  That is not correct.

The Dalai Lama currently fills two significant roles for the Tibetan people.  One is the spiritual head of Tibetan Buddhism, the other is the political leader of the country of Tibet.

He’s not going to stop being the Dalai Lama, he’s just not going to fill one of his traditional roles anymore.

For years, the Dalai Lama has spoken about stepping down from the political role at some point.  He’s on record as saying he believes it is best for the Tibetan people to have an elected head of state.

Compare his approach to some of the other political leaders in the world in recent times like Mubarek in Egypt and Gaddafi in Libya.  Their own people wanted them gone, yet they both resisted strongly and in the case of Gaddafi is still there at the time of writing this, actually bombing his own people to avoid being deposed.

There is nobody challenging the Dalai Lama in his role as political leader, and no obvious reason for him to step aside now, but he is taking the decision he believes is best for his people in the long-term.  I personally consider this a sign of true leadership, but of course, as you would expect, the Chinese government sees it differently.

I read somewhere that they believe it’s a ‘trick’.  Even for the dickheads in the Chinese government, this is a baffling thing to say.  Who exactly is he tricking?  And why?

What does the Dalai Lama’s retirement mean for the Tibetan population?

Well, it gives the Tibetans in exile a chance to select their next political leader.  Until now, the Dalai Lama has been a ‘shoe in’ for that role.  This new choice is good for the people.  I’d be surprised if they didn’t choose a more militant leader.  There are elements of the Tibetan population, particularly the younger generation, who have grown frustrated by the peaceful and dialogue-driven approach employed by the Dalai Lama.

Despite the best motivation of the Dalai Lama, for the millions of Tibetans still inside Tibet, this change in leadership will probably make no difference.  They will still be supressed by the Chinese.  The only hope for them appears to be a significant change in Chinese leadership and policy.  That will probably only happen with a revolution in China.  And that’s a few years away yet.

And anyone who thinks that the Dalai Lama’s decision reflects him ‘giving up’ on Tibet obviously doesn’t understand his motivation.

May all beings be happy.

Do no harm.

You’re either in Sheen’s-Korner or you’re with the trolls.

This is the tag line of Sheen’s Korner, an video casting outlet for Charlie Sheen’s increasingly bizarre rants.

For the record, I’m a troll then.

Where the hell are the people that should be looking after this bloke?

Unfortunately, there are people behind the scenes, spurring this whole episode on.  These people benefit from Sheen’s behaviour.  The weirder he gets, the more money they make. The sad thing is that Charlie probably thinks they are his friends.

He talks about ‘winning’.  Actually, he’s one of biggest losers going around.  There is no hope of him ‘winning’ anything here.  He has everything to lose, and his mind is already gone.

He’s abusive, a drug and sex addict and blind Freddy can see he has a serious mental illness.

I hope he gets the help he needs before it’s too late.

In reviewing some archived posts, I noted a couple of blogs where a central theme was around expectation and the consequences of it.

For example, this one titled The imaginary path and this one titled Love…actually – Part Two.

It’s something that comes up from time to time for all of us.  How do we stop from being disappointed?

What many people try and do is change the situations that are leading to their disappointment.  They try and change people, environments and even events that have taken place in the past!

It’s like treating obesity by buying bigger clothes instead of eating healthier.  You’re not treating the cause.  And the cause of disappointment is unrealistic expectation.

Plant the seed of expectation and you also plant the seed of disappointment.  There is no getting around this.  The big problem is that it often takes us many years to realise it.

I don’t believe it’s possible to live without any expectation in our modern lives.  And I think it’s fair and reasonable to have realistic expectations in our lives.  I mean, quite obviously we should expect to live in relative peace, free from abuse, be generally safe etc.

What brings the most disappointment is the unrealistic expectations we have.

Let me give you an example:

Each day I travel to work on the bus.  The journey time varies quite a bit, anywhere from 40 minutes to 90 minutes, depending on traffic, how often the bus needs to stop to pick up passengers and which bus I get.  It can be bloody frustrating, and beyond my control, but that’s how it is.  Life is like that.

I rarely look at the timetable to check how long the journey is supposed to take.  If I need to be at work by a specific time, then my decision on which bus to catch is based on my real world experience.

If I need to be at work by 9am and decide to catch the 7.40am bus, then I’m reasonably assured of arriving on time.  This would be a realistic expectation.

If I need to be at work by 9am and decide to catch the bus leaving at 8.40am, then I’m guaranteed to be late.  This would be an unrealistic expectation.

Sounds simple enough right?

But how often do we place these unrealistic expectations on to ourselves and on the world that we live in?  We do it with other people in our lives on a regular basis and then blame them for our disappointment.

Here’s a tip – minimise your disappointment and catch the earlier bus.

May all beings be happy.

Do no harm.

Today I finished transferring the archived posts from my old site into dharmalicious.com.  All 89 of them, written over a period of about 4 years.

I needed to edit the formatting for each post and in doing so, read through some of the content.  As I’m reading through the first few posts, I start feeling confused.  The confusion is coming from a sense of detachment from the material and grows with each post I read.  With a few exceptions, I cannot recall writing the majority of the posts.

They have my name attributed to them, and I recall some of the events they describe, but the actual process of writing the words is gone from my memory.  There were even a few posts which I had to read several times before I could understand what they were about.

It felt like I was reading them for the first time.  So who wrote these things?

The answer is both simple and complex.  On the one hand, it was me, Matthew.  On the other hand, every post has had a different author.

Huh?

We are never the same person from moment to moment.  We like to think that we are the only things that don’t change in life, but that’s a fantasy our ego has created.

We are changing all the time.  Nothing in this life stands still, especially our development as human beings.  There’s no ‘bad’ or ‘good’ development, it’s just development and it’s constant.

The person that is writing this blog will not be the same person who writes the next one.  Time and experience will affect me.  My thoughts tomorrow may not resemble my thoughts today.

And that’s ok.

May all beings be happy.

Do no harm.

I don’t think there’s too many people in Australia who haven’t heard about the St Kilda football club, Ricky Nixon and the girl known as the infamous ‘St Kilda teen’.  Until last night, the media had not revealed her name or face to the public.  60 minutes decided to change that.

The absurd thing is that while the media has been subject to a suppression order preventing them from identifying her (because she’s underage), a large group of people have known her name and her movements for a long period of time.

She didn’t exactly support the court order which was designed to protect her.  She has actively sought attention from the media throughout the drama.

I’m no crack detective, but it took me all of 5 minutes on Google to find her name and another 10 minutes to find her Twitter account a few weeks ago.

The whole saga is distressing, for all concerned.  She’s screwed up no doubt, but she’s a kid.

I’ll say it again – she’s a kid.  Originally, a 16 year old kid who got in over her head, involved with a footy player who later ditched her.  She felt abused (rightly or wrongly) and decided to get some revenge with a fake pregnancy and the publication of nude photos of players on Facebook.  Not the best course of action, but mature women have gone much further than this in the past, let alone a 16 year old girl.

That kid is now 17, but still a kid nevertheless and involved with a footy player manager, who should have known better, but apparently succumbed to sexual desire.  She’s in over her head again and decides to respond by recounting the sordid affair to a media (and public) who need to hear that these high-profile people have failings.

To give her credit, she comes across as someone who can be quite canny.  I don’t see her as the ‘dumb skank’ that others do.  I think her intelligence is misdirected, but not absent.

In another respect though, she is obviously immature and in need of mentoring and good guidance like any 17 year old.  Her parents have allegedly ‘written her off’ which can’t be a good thing for any kid and says more about the parents than the girl in my opinion.  She’s made mistakes sure, but I can’t imagine she’ll stop making mistakes if she’s abandoned by the people who are supposed to be there for her when she screws up (which we all do in one form or another).

Why the AFL agreed to putting her up in a hotel for several months in Melbourne is beyond me.  A 17 year old kid with obvious attention seeking traits, left by herself in a hotel room?  How was that going to help her?  All it’s done is to lead to more suffering.  For the CEO of the AFL to go on TV and say that the AFL hasn’t failed her is beyond belief.

She is a kid who is crying out for help and now needs to bugger off for a while and get that help.  She hasn’t made the best decisions, but bloody hell, the so called ‘adults’ who should have a bit of wisdom have made some shocking decisions here.

I can only hope that all parties are able to take the experience, learn from it and use it to find happiness in their future lives.